Happy birthday mummy! 

I love you, and you're the person whom I respect the most in this world. Thank you for bringing me up to be who I am today.

When I was younger, I used to think that I had the most perfect mummy in the whole wide world. Yes, she was my very own superhero. But as I grew older, I came to realise that nobody's perfect. And as much as I'd like to be a sweetheart and say that my mummy's still the flawless, most perfect human I know in my life... I know that she is not. But I still love her anyway, for being the most beautiful woman in my life, and for being such an angel to our lives.

I never really like to talk about this, but for all the times when daddy put me down and looked down on my capabilities, I looked up to my mum. My mum was and still is my pillar of strength in my life. She inculcated in me values of compassion, forgiveness, kindness... She taught me how to be a good daughter, a good sister, and even a good mother. My mum made me believe in myself, the same way she believed in me. 

Mummy was never good with academics. Yet she worked hard through the night to help us out in other aspects. I remember how she dutifully brought me to the botanical gardens and took photos with me just so I could achieve the "I'm a young botanist" collar pin. I also remember how she taught me how to make the perfect tauhu goreng and popiah for my home economics assessment. How can i forget the art masterpiece "under the sea"... she taught me how to draw the mermaid, seaweed, crab... everything. Till date, i still keep a laminated copy of that artwork safe in a folder. 

You see, mummy isn't perfect, but I'll never find anyone else who can love me so unconditionally. I can never find another who understands me and loves me so perfectly. Because of her, I, too, aspire to be a perfect mum. One who would go through tough times and sacrifices just so my kids will grow up healthily and happily, one who will never stop believing in my kids no matter how difficult situations may be, one who will go the extra mile to ensure that my kids and hubby return to a loving and happy home every day. I want my kids to look at me and go "that's my favourite mum!" the same way I did to my mum. Naive innocence, whatever you call it. Truth is, we never really need a perfect person. Just someone who can love and understand us perfectly.

So happy birthday mummy, thank you for being my pillar of support through all these years. I know it isn't easy and I can be quite a handful, but thank you for loving me all the same, and for being the best mum that you can be. You deserve all the love in the world, and I hope that you'd be healthy and happy always. 

Love your daughter always,
Anne

I feel so comfortable. Just chilling in my living room... feeling the breeze from the ceiling fan and partially opened windows, munching on my microwaved cherry butter cake (yes I have the habit of microwaving my cakes and pastries). Life - amidst all the daily trivia - is good. Maybe it's because I'm satisfied with how everything is happening. Not that there's much to shout about, but at least I have many little things to be thankful for.

"The feeling of having enough is magical. It rarely depends on how much you've got. More is rarely better. Too much of anything eventually becomes toxic." - Tony Schwartz

I feel so inspired, too.

A good kind of inspired. It's like a little part of me comes alive again with every single encounter good enough to intrigue me.

I'm reading Arkive, re-watching snippets of the Wicked musical, finding out how to start my own dot com, reading up on time-lapse photography, checking BRAD out (a DIY automated dorm room), learning more about Andy Warhol, planning a solo trip, and (okay this one's less intriguing for now) thinking about life - Living life, rather.

I guess I just tend to get very excitable when it comes to making discoveries. Dada has been prodding us to "read more and increase our knowledge" since... ... forever. And I guess that makes a lot more sense now, than in the days where my fingers were miraculously programmed with the pattern of typing in letters to link me only to my bookmarked social websites. Learning gives me a sense of satisfaction, really. Not from any accomplishment in particular, but similar to the satisfaction you get when you manage to scrape just enough nutella from an almost empty jar to fill both sides of your toast. ooo-la!

Oh, and whilst re-watching Wicked clips on YouTube, I realised, through my mac's reflection, that I really looked like a slob. An unglamorous slob. I giggled in disgust and had to take a picture of it:


Yes yess. Geeky me, sipping my peach vitagen in my PJs. Gotta love it! ;)


Alright dozing off. Gonna rest up for another long day at work tomorrow. Ciao!

I've been listening to Rod Steward since i was a kid. It's daddy's favourite, and somewhat became mine too.
Car rides are never the same without it.

Here's one that I love, for all that it brings out in me now.



Sometimes when we touch

You ask me if I love you
and I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
in what you say or do
I'm only just beginning
to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all it's strategy
leaves me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
and drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
and hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
and I know how hard you try
I watched while love commands you
and I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
still searching for a friend
a brother or a sister
but then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold ya till I die
till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides
Subsides 

Sometimes things don't go our way and we get angry with God.
We challenge or blame Him for not being there to guide us and light our paths..

But God is in control.

We must remember that God has not forgotten us;
He has carved us on the palm of his hand.
Every step we make and every breath we take is lovingly measured and planned by God.
He knows what we seek before we can speak, and He knows our greatest joy, our deepest fears - what hurts us, and what makes us strong.
It is therefore right, that amidst our joys and sorrows, we should lift our hearts up to the Lord and give Him thanks and praise.

-


I had a terrible afternoon.
I've never screwed up a paper so badly before.
I really don't know what came over me this time.
I never used to be so affected by academic results...
But this time - it's different. I'm different.


I sometimes hate it that I have to be so stubborn.
It pervades every aspect of my life - and they're not always a desirable outcome...
But I shall let bygones be bygones.
In my friends and God's grace, I finally found comfort.

Life has a funny way of presenting rainbows after the rain.

-

Then,
I had a friend pray for me:


"... that You will guide our hands and give us a clarity of mind...
... Lord we thank you for the victories..
... Thank you for loving us, Lord....
this we ask in Your most holy name, Amen."

-


Amen.

 Because no matter how we will it to change, you can't escape the realities of life.

Sometimes things happen and we wake up hoping it never did.
We keep thinking about why it happened, what is going to happen, and how it happened..

Somehow I thought I got over this hurdle.
Well maybe i just haven't.
Maybe i never really did.
And maybe I never will. 

Run away, why don't we.
Don't we all secretly want to?

 

 

“Maybe I’m too young, to keep good love from going wrong.”  - Jeff Buckley.

Never knew that it had such beautiful lyrics:

Can You Feel The Love Tonight; Elton John
From the motion picture The Lion King

There's a calm surrender to the rush of day
When the heat of the rolling world can be turned away
An enchanted moment, and it sees me through
It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you

And can you feel the love tonight
It is where we are
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer
That we got this far
And can you feel the love tonight
How it's laid to rest
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds
Believe the very best

There's a time for everyone if they only learn
That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn
There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours.



There's a calm surrender, to the rush of day.

Because it seems like every time you try to rise above,
something holds you and stops you from standing strong.
It seems like you can never be too sure of anything,
or maybe you can, just that you never find the right things to be sure of.

Every time you feel for something, you want to put your whole heart and soul into it.
If it works - you're in bliss.
if it doesn't and you're forced to move on - we become lesser beings.
Because truth is, we never really pack up and leave.
We leave a part of us behind - with every single dream we step up to believe in.

In time we become afraid - afraid of leaving so much behind that we lose ourselves.
This lapse of faith, of jadedness, of fear and vulnerability..
It consumes us from inside, it keeps us from feeling alive.

That maybe someday we'd realize, that what we're living is not just a fantasy.
It's a lie. A pseudo-reality.
One that we nest upon in order to protect ourselves so much on the inside.
Life is life built upon layers of memories - barriers of strength, barrels of tears.

Then comes faith. And hope and love.
All over again.
Do you really know what you believe in?

Are you happy?