831mixtapes

I'm waiting for the day when I can finally look up and say:

"I'm finally done with thinking."

 I say you walk out of that door and keep yourself in check before we start talking about respect.

Im really sick of all your expectations so i guess it comes down to this-
You leave, or I leave.

simple?

It actually is. Reality is as harshly simple as it is.
Not some complicated sophisticated filth you tell me about.
What you're living is a life i'm not.
And i don't intend to take your lead.

Im tired of compromising.
So just deal with it this time, do what you want, speak your mind.

'Cos tonight - Im putting this down.

The world will do better without persuasion and propaganda.
patriotism loyalty and whatever supposed honour.

A real load of facade, if you ask me.


So take a last glance, we're Living -- Leaving your beautiful mess.

So! life in a new varsity semester has begun.

Its been ... An eye-opener, if anything.
Accommodating, Dealing, Feeling, Trying.

Trying. The very mention of it just gives me the shudders.

Its times like these when you really cant help questioning your priorities and interests.
How far would you go for a stranger?
How far would you go for a friend?
Go figure.

'Cos at the end of the day, i learnt to say no. i learn to let go.
Im learning to breathe.

About time, about time you think Simple.





Try.
How I hate you, word.

No one mental blocks, writes-and-cancels-everything else for 45 minutes, and leaves 5 ferribler minutes to do one full essay.

Fourth time you walk out the hall feeling that way Anne, Fourth time.
Does your conscience bug you yet?
/:


On a lighter note, exams end tomorrow.
Netties are going mambo.
I don't do clubbing, and i cant dance.
But i miss them. Howzz.
Okay maybe i should try, i still remember my together forever from orientation,
And Roy's tutorial on summer rain.

I promised to make the best of what's left.
Of this time.

I promised you the best of what I can give.
Let's not ask for more.





And, if you must know:
It's all about perspectives.

Trust me, plonk me somewhere else and i'll double the productivity.
but for now,
EXAM PREP IS SO TERRIBLERRRRRRRRRRR!

Distractions, distractions.
i think im getting desensitized to it.
im starting to not feel bad for getiing distracted..
im starting to get used to the unproductivity.

that could kill.

so could my compulsive snacking tendencies.

ahhhh, so HORRIBLERRRRRRRRRR! ):

maplerrrrrr
tablerrrrrrr
peoplerrrr
applerrrrr
incorrigiblerrr
vegetablerrrr
irresistablerr

AHHH ! EFF OH SEE YOU ESS.

Annnniiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
stop being a restless helpless mindless girlllll.

MEH.

Life is a crowded canvas right now.

Some colours strike out so bad,
whilst some suddenly seem to blend together magically.
It's funny how God plans -- it leaves you so helplessly confused sometimes.
Yet all of a sudden, everything would come into place, a meant-to-be phenomena.

There exists the pale canvas beneath those vibrant colours, we cant deny that.
Then again, if we paint a good enough picture,
could we have changed that blank slate?

Abstract, they call it.

In any case, there seems to be a sudden ease somehow.
Doubts have come to light, in an implicit way.

All's a joy too,
when your morning is perked up with a sweet note on a warm Starbucks Christmas Peppermint Latte (:
Makes you wanna smile at the whole world. (haha. what-a-creep right.)
But sometimes all it takes is someone to brighten up your day and set it straight.

Thanks jazzy!  <3





By the way, know the expression : "FML" ?
There apparently is a new one,

GMH.
Gives Me Hope.
Go ahead, Google it.
It's worth the read, I Guarantee. (:

Till then!

 At the end of the day,
you're just another student below the average.

Tired, you had your fun.
You've sacrificed. You've prioritised.
You've met the expectations of your commitments.

But at the end of the day,
You're that student, hovering and struggling below the average.

This weekend was fabulous.

Saturday:
i had Deepavali visiting in the afternoon,
headed home and spent a very demanding but fruitful evening with mummy in the kitchen!
learnt how to make many dishes from her as we prepared a feast for our family.
I used to wonder how mummy felt when we gobbled down every dish in minutes, when she took HOURS to prepare them.
Now i understand.
it really is rewarding serving every dish on the table, sitting down together and enjoying every moment of it.
After dinner, my sis and i cleaned out (stove, table, utensils, pans, floor, sink, everything!)
I really cant quite remember when we last did this together. just the two of us, voluntarily.
I was tired, yes, but very, very contented. (:

Sunday:
Overslept despite sleeping v v early the night before (i think it was 9pm :O )
No choice but to go for the 11am mass instead!
Met mummy and my sis again for lunch, with shoapy!
THEN WE DID CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AHHHHHHHH
Somehow when i saw the vibrant christmas decorations all around,
my entire face just lit up and every inch of lethargy vanished.
Talk about the spirit of Christmas, Eh? (:
Headed home, lazed around a lil, packed my bags (back to hall )))): )
Then we went t daddy's office and went for dinner.
WE HAD CRAB BEE HOON !! (and zi char) but CRAB BEE HOON !! (: (:
weeeeeooooowwwwwww.

(:
I dont say it directly to them,
but i really really do treasure these times together.
even if it means being unable to touch on a single piece of schoolwork (which is overdue/piling x 1927348391246)
sigh! 
I'd still choose family time. Always. 

ANYWAYY, then they sent me back to hall.
where I am now,
lifelessly typing away again.

New week. New expectations, New dread.

cant wait for the next weekend! 
(Nike human race, driving, buffet)
YAY!

Till then!

Today I woke up, not remembering how I fell asleep last night.
It happens sometimes.
We can get too high on life.

Today I was at a crossroad.
I Took a straight and met my fear.
A part of me wanted t approach it, embrace it.
But it was too much to consider and I left for the other road.
As I walked away, I became conscious of my conscience. 
Something somehow was drawing me back to it, but I left anyway.
I walked on.
Turns out, it was a blessing in disguise.
It brought me closer to my destination.
I looked back and wondered if it was  all a temptation or a sign.

Today, I got a call from a friend.
she told me that God meant for me to do all these things,
'cos i will get the strength i need from him.
I believe so.
I hope so -- most certainly.
I was happy she called, I miss her.
I miss them.

Today was a very bad day,
I was on a roll.
It was frustrating, helpless, unfair.
But friendship shone.
it was then that nothing else seemed tormenting and impossible,
All because these friends stood by me.
Im truly thankful, really.
It took our trust to a new dimension.

Today I rested, laid back and took a back seat.
It was weird. I felt uneasy.
But I treasured it, every single moment of it.
I could even deal with more.

Today I told you how I felt.
Something we've needed to address in a long time.
I know you felt obligated to understand,
but deep inside, you disagree.
I dont blame you,
But I need you to believe.
Things cant be that complicated, but thats when it only begins.
If things are really meant to be,
We've got to learn how to trust time and ourselves more.
Love is, Selfish.
Yet, Selfless... All at the same time.

Today I had the chance to run.
I dreaded it initially -- think lactic acid and old injury aches.
Then adrenaline pumped through me.
I fought my fatigue -- Mentally and physically.
I turned in the troubles and insecurities from my heart.
And with each heavy step, I outran them all.
Then, the same satisfaction I felt almost everyday a year ago, hit me.
Runners high.


Today I thought about tomorrow again.
How today was going to unfold.
It's never the same everyday, no matter how routine-like life gets.
I guess its how we perceive the smallest moments.





Well, Its all we live for -- today.
today and another day, Today.

We travelled down the path that day
it was the best steps of my life.

And where do we go from here?

Watch this space.

 Time slowed down this week.
Not life --- Time.
But I didn't feel it, I didn't see it coming.
I just knew it did.

I knew it when it was over.


A million emotions and thoughts ran through your spirit.
Your every word, every act.
I questioned why I question;
But I never replied.

I didn't know, or rather, I didn't want to.


Life presents this mystery to you.
You take it -- With astounding delight.
The clarity, unheard of.


You see darling, we do it out of love.
Pure uncensored explicit sensational insanity.
Unaccustomed, instinctive, nostalgic.
This repulsive madness of purity and engagement.
we all know it,


A simple starving to be safe.